Childrearing soap box

IN RESPONSE TO ANOTHER MOM'S PLEA FOR HELP....here I come with my "supermom" soapbox!


I think you would be surprised what they understand and don't understand, even if it is just on their level.
A couple of tricks that seemed to work for us ....at the risk of sounding like I am up on some soapbox....

1. Try distraction first because often they are just really curious. But there were times when I knew that Conner knew he wasn't supposed to do something and thats when we had to look for other tactics.
2. Be consistent (I am totally perfect at that! haha!) If it is not ok right now to climb on chairs and there is a consequence involved, then it is not ok tomorrow or in five minutes either.
3. Remove them from the situation. I wasn't a huge fan of timeouts in their rooms, especially because that is supposed to be their space and it is supposed to be peaceful. But it did work to remove him from the situation and just hold Conner as still as possible in my lap. After saying "No, we don't do this..." then I didn't say anything else and we had to be still. There is nothing worse than to make a little boy be still. When he got big enough to understand, we switched to a time out stool. And only if he wouldn't stay on the stool, then we took him to a confined space.

3. Pick your battles. Is it dangerous? Or will they ruin or break something important? If not, decide if you want to deal with it every day because it sometimes takes a while for it to sink in that mom is serious about something.

4. Use agency. Even when they are small, they can be taught that every action has a consequence, good or bad and often they don't get to choose the consequence. In fact, I think that is a large reason that children do what they do. They are trying to figure out how things or people or their bodies or whatever respond to what they do....climbing, pushing buttons, tantrums, dumping stuff out, all of those usually have immediate consequences.

I hope I can teach Conner to make good decisions, and then know that he is responsible for what happens afterward. I think that is the best thing I can do when "discipling" so I also try to remember to say sorry if I was too harsh or loud or abrupt or whatever (happens more when they start thinking and then verbalizing their distaste)

5. Teach them coping tactics to calm themselves (deep breaths, whatever...) or to use their words. Teach them it is ok to cry and be sad when necessary, but that pitching a fit just because your angry doesn't work and won't get them any more or less attention.

Yikes, I hope I can come back and read these again and all the other comments in a little while when we have a second "experiment" at our house...but I hope the principles are at least the same, even if the methods change a little! :)

Good luck! Just do it with love and you can't really go wrong, or at least not for long ;)